Ben Parzybok

will forget your name, and feel very badly about it

bazillion tool

Ah come now, people, is this not the greatest most idiotic thing you’ve seen, ever? It’s real and not a mockup.


So awesome. I want one right now so that I can put it up on a pedestal as the ultimate indication we’re all going to a very special hell, (and that we’ll very likely have the tools to escape said hell when the time comes!) And err maybe so I can call my mother on it. And shave, while taking photos of myself, and checking my temperature, and tightening a few screws while I dial in some radio and laser point the neighbor’s cat.

It’s only $740 dollars.

Author: Benjamin Parzybok

My name is Ben Parzybok and I'm a novelist and programmer living in Portland, OR. @sparkwatson



  1. But I’d hate to try to slice a piece of cheese with it on a picnic. I don’t care that there appears to be at least 10 (!) separate knife blades on it.

  2. Just looking at this makes me want to clean out my house of useless objects, of which I own more than a few.

    This is somewhere between geekily cool and criminally ridiculous. Wait, I take that back. It’s all at one end.

  3. Er, and I say this as a girl who owns four Swiss Army knives.

    But not this one.

  4. It sort of makes me want to glue a bunch of the objects I already own together and call them multi-tools.
    ie: blender + telephone + futon + record player + station wagon!

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