Ben Parzybok

apologizes unequivocally

Executive branch calls for panic(!)

“For those of you who have remained resolute in your belief that things will turn around eventually, I urge you to close your eyes, take shallow rapid breaths, and begin freaking out immediately,” Bush added. “At this point, anyone who isn’t scared to death needs to wake the fuck up—because we’re screwed here.”

The president then picked up the telephone from his desk and hurled it through the Oval Office window.

Contact your congressperson, people. Let’s get this passed today.

Author: Benjamin Parzybok

My name is Ben Parzybok and I'm a novelist and programmer living in Portland, OR. @sparkwatson

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